If you’ve never been to Le Bistro Montage in Portland, OR, then you’re missing out on my favorite dish from their menu: Spold Mac. The restaurant serves up a nice collection of Cajun foods and a variety of things drunk/stoned people need to eat in the middle of a binge. Case in point: Mac and Cheese.
The restaurant serves up several varieties, but their signature mac is simply named Old Mac. And then they offer Spicy Mac, because everything’s better with a little spice in it. And on top of all that, they have a few items you can add in to your mac: Chicken, Pork belly, Andouille Sausage, Crawfish, Shrimp, Oysters, Catfish, Alligator, aaaand Spam™. (and Oreo cookies, but I don’t even want to think about that right now.)
But, as I’m sure is the case as to why it’s on the menu, some drunk/stoned person came in with a group of equally bent friends; both were like: “Spam, dude…”, then one tried the old mac, one tried the spicy mac, they both said something along the lines of [breathlessly] “…motherfucker...”, and begged their buddy to try the other’s dish before obviously deciding to go halvesies on each other’s plates, mixing it up, downing the lot, and then calling to the waiter saying: “dudedudedude, you’ve got to try this.”
Actually, that probably happened a lot; enough that the combination ended up on the menu, listed 3rd, as Spold Mac. You might just want to book yourself a quick trip to Portland, if only to hit up Montage and see for yourself.
So, why did I make this tonight, for Christmas dinner, of all things? Because the kid asked for it. Normally I’d do prime rib, but I figured I’d ask him what, of all the meals I’ve made for him in his entire life, is the one he’d like to have on Christmas evening, just he and I? He said Spam Mac. Deal.
Of course I didn’t have any Cajun spice, so I had to whip some up from the pantry.
Cajun Spice Mix
Ingredients
1 tsp each of:
- Freshly Ground Pepper
- Oregano
- Paprika
- Garlic Powder
- Onion Powder
- Cayenne
- Thyme (1/2 tsp)
Mix all that up and set it aside as you prepare the rest of your ingredients, which are here:
Spicy Spam Mac
Ingredients
- 1 Can Spam™, schlucked out and cut into gambling-dice-sized cubes
- Cajun Spice Mix
- 1 Roma Tomato, diced
- 2 Cloves Garlic, minced
- 1/2 Serrano Chile, thinly sliced
- Cheese, shredded: I used a combination of Parmesan, Cheddar, and Muenster
- 1/2 pint Heavy Cream.
- 1/4 stick Butter
- 2 T flour
- 8 oz. Large Elbow Macaroni Noodles (cooked to package directions)
Directions
- Heat water for the noodles; while it comes to a boil,
- Cut up all the things
- Put the noodles into the boiling water, and
- fry the cubed Spam™; once browned on all sides,
- toss in the garlic and butter.
- It’s around this time the noodles will be done cooking, so remove from the heat and strain in a colander. Let sit in the sink until the rest of the dish is complete.
- Throw in the flour and stir until it becomes a roux; make sure to scrape up any garlic bits and fried Spam™ still left around the edges of the pan.
- Pour in the Heavy Cream, add the Cajun seasoning, and allow to thicken slightly.
- Add the Spam™ to the pan and coat before adding the cheese.
- Shake out the noodles in the colander, ridding them of excess water, and add them to the pan with the Spam™ and sauce.
- Mix all together, adding salt (which it shouldn’t; you’re eating Spam™ for God’s sake) or more of your cajun seasoning.
- Plate, top with tomatoes, serrano, and give it all a light shower of grated parmesan.
Now, I know this isn’t the traditional Christmas dinner, but sometimes traditions change. And besides, if we’re talking about holiday foods, I promise this one has just as many calories as anything else you’re going to stuff in your face over the holidays; plus, it’s warm, it’s gooey, it’s comfort food at it’s finest.
and
AND
While all that other holiday food took someone hours upon hours, or even days to put together, I’ve found a way to maximize time and easily put all those calories on the counter, into a pan, and into your mouth in just under 15 minutes.
What makes me happy and thankful is this: my kid wanted this, I made it for him, he ate it, it was yummy. There’s no better Christmas gift than that.
Side note: I have vomited in the bathroom of Le Bistro Montage. My own fault, and it had nothing to do with their delicious food.
big o little k 